i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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