Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
