I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
