you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
