i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
