I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize