She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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