uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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