I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
