I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
