Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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