i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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