she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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