I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
