just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
