Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
