I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
