i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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