whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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