We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize