we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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