despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize