he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
