He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think people are normalizing furries
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
