His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize