apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
