Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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