You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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