You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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