arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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