I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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