The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
