I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
