Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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