She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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