I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
