Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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