My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
