how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
