I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
