dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
