You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
