Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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