Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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