So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
