My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
