I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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