We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize