he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
