I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
