Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
