He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
