There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
