Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
