The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
