I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
