I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
