Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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