It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
