Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
