he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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