Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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