you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
