He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
