Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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