so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
