We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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